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Monday, October 22, 2012

Pains of all kindsl

Last week was definitely a very interesting time in my life...other than the fact that because of a major storm we had the previous week, we had and still have,  no internet access.                                 On Wednesday I had an appointment with the surgeon who inserted my PEG, to measure me for a 'mickey' PEG.  It was all supposed to be very simple...according to the doctors...however it didn't turn out that way at all.  The idea was that the tube initially inserted would be pulled out, the measure inserted and the tube re-inserted - lots of insertions there but anyway!!!!!  Soooo the surgeon started pulling on the tube which felt quite tight at first, but the longer and harder she pulled, the tugging tightness turned to pain...excruciating PAIN.  A final tug and out popped the tube with a monstrous, okay it wasn't that monstrous but it felt like it, cup like end on it.  Needless to say I almost broke my mums fingers with that final jerk and I cried like a baby.  Out of a pencil size hole popped this 2cm end and the surgeon looked at it quite bemused.  She was most apologetic and as amazed as me at what she had proceeded to yank out of my stomach.  Measuring was simple in comparison, but it had become apparent that the tube that had just been removed was not going to go back inside me, so she had to find another , smaller and simpler tube to be inserted to be used until the 'mickey' PEG has arrived and is put in...                                                                                                                               The next major happening in my life, was almost as painful...but a different kind of pain indeed.  My boyfriend and I split up....It was all very amicable and we have decided to stay friends, but it just wasn't working out for us.  This has made me think in the last couple of days of the pain that we all deal with in our lives. For some it is physical and for others emotional.  At some point we deal with both kinds in our lives and we all have to cope by ourselves, picking up the pieces in some cases and pulling ourselves together...re-building our lives...moving forward...whatever it takes to deal with that pain.  AND no one can tell us what we are feeling or compare their pain with someone elses because we all feel things differently.  As for my emotional pain, I will heal with time....the physical pain has already healed, just a memory...something that lingers in my mind but I know longer feel.  So next time you hear someone talking about their particular pain, lend an ear and listen to them and  don't compare your pain with theirs because it's not about you...or me... At that time, but theirs.                   So this me, once again, *Fabulous and Fighting* <3

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Saying Good Bye's Isn't Easy

A week ago, yes can you believe it...it was last Wednesday that I had my first appointment at Charlotte Maxexe (or something like that) Hospital.  I was pretty nervous as I always am in new situations, but at least I had the support of my parents who went with me.

We borrowed a wheelchair from our neighbour for me to use as it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to move around now.  This simple piece of machinery proved to be a challenging item for my dad to wield.  Firstly he couldn't get it into the boot of the car, turning it upside down, inside out and back to front before he managed to find a spot for it. Hehe.  Once we were at the hospital and he had managed to take it out of the boot, he had to open it up for me to sit in it...that took a while, much head scratching, huffing and puffing - but eventually it was ready for me to take my seat on my new throne.



Our visit was exciting and informative and I am oh so keen to start on this new chapter of my life.  Sadly this did mean that I would be saying 'goodbye' to my family of 7 years at Steve Biko Hospital.

This happened the very next day when I had my final clinic visit at Steve Biko and I really felt very sad to be saying 'goodbye '-  BUT hopefully not forever as I have forged friendships with people there that have created bonds in my heart and soul.  Without the team that makes up the whole, my days at Steve Biko would never have been as happy as they most definitely have been and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for always making me feel at home and well cared for.






This is another chapter in my life that is over, written in my memory bank, waiting for the next one to evolve.  This one will surely be the most eventful one in my life...one that will see me grow into a new person, hopefully, and one that will carry me through to more in my life.

By the way, back to the wheelchair...my dad has passed 'Wheelchair 101' and is progressing to 'Wheelchair 102'...the one where he does actually open it and doesn't make me sit in the tiny gap he manages to squeeze open and wiggle myself in to pop the chair open.  GO DAD!!!

SO this is me, for tonight, Fabulous and Fighting <3 <3